Going Beyond.....the home stretch

I cant say what day I am on anymore but I know this is the last week. I am having a lot of pain where my adrenal gland is or was. It hurts. They said it is normal. Well it is better than having surgery and recovering for the incision. In 2009 when my right kidney was removed due to cancer, I have 31 staples and that was painful. I was almost cut in half. It was a hard recovering and there were times I thought that the Cancer was still in my body. In 1985 I had stage II cancer and I could not get treated I had to wait for an approval, Praise God the Cancer I have is slow or I would be dead by now. In 1987 they finally removed the cancer. I believe it never left my body, the doctors said I have a slow moving Cancer in my body. Turtle Cancer...LOL. I am angered that the insurance I had at the time made me wait 2 yrs, I might still be working and have to kidneys living life to the fullest. But instead I am trying to keep my spirits up, staying in bed more that getting out and doing fun things that most 50 yrs old do. It did not help that my parents were farm workers and we were exposed to chemicals we should not have been. Being a child in the field with the chemicals do you think we would not be affected. We ate the fruit with out washing sometimes, we were children. I know that everyone did not know what they know now about the long term effects of farmworkers children. We are the results of society that did not care, we were deemed expendable, we were told to go back where we came from, we were called wetbacks, brown nigger, beaner, and more ugly words. Yes things have changed or have they? I am an American I was born here and never been to Mexico, My people are Native American and Mexican. My Grandma was native American, my grandfather was from Mexico the coastal region. My grandfather walked here to America sometime before there was a border. He helped build the railroad. My grandmother received a pension until she passed. My grandfather help form this Country with the sweat off his back. My father worked the fields and held a fulltime job. He was a hard working man. He taught me to work hard and be responsible for your family. It is hard to lie her at home day after day yet I want to work but I know that I cant not work a full day. My body will not handle it I tried to go back to work after a week I had pneumonia, someone went in to work sick with a cold I caught the cold and pneumonia hit me hard. I have been praying and asking God to give me the health to return to work maybe after this coarse of treatment. I am not giving up I refuse to lie down and let Cancer win. I wish things were different but not all the wishing in the world is going to change the facts of my health today. God is good, he has made this time a good time by comforting me with this extreme Joy that I cant explain. I cant get angry if I tried....lol. I started out good able to keep track of the day I was on and I wrote each day but I will not lie. this last week is kicking my butt. I know God is carrying me thru and I am grateful for the ride. I will gladly stay in his arms until this is all over. I will try to keep writing and let you know how things are going but I cant say that it will be daily some day I am to tired to think. Wow I see people at the Ccare that are being treated for Brain Cancer, Lung Cancer and worse. I pray that God heals them! Every day I see the miracle that Ccare is apart of they have a high success rate. The radiologist and his assistants there are awesome, so caring and ready to help care for your needs. I will say that my pain has double and tripled since I began radiation. I don't know how to deal with it I don't like being all drugged up, I am now taking the THC pills and they help with want to throw up all the time, and my appetite is good and no you are not stoned but it helps with the pain also. I don't take medication to make me not feel pain is good at a level you can handle. Keep Cancer patients in prayer, I try to, there are so many and the cancer centers everywhere seems to be filling up a lot more often. they say 1 one in every 5 will see cancer at one stage or another in there life. I pray against those odds. In the name above all Jesus! Good night God bless and keep everyone health safe and full of Joy. Amen

Going Beyond....the home stretch

I am on my last week of radiation I will get a break for two weeks and start chemo around the May 12, 2014. I can not say I am not scared because I would be lying. I only have one kidney and now not even that. The radiation will kill off the top of my kidney the adrenal gland. I wonder why tumor would be growing there, I think back to things in my past but I believe it was being explosed to chemicals in the grape fields at a young age. They damage that is done to my kidney is awful. I cant even get a transplant until being Cancer free for 5 yrs. I believe that is the transplant rule. I pray when that fear tries to come in. My children are all grown but my children still need their mother. I woke up this morning Easter Sunday in pain, the sun coming up I prayed and repeated the Joy of the Lord is my Strength. It gives me the strength for moving up the hill.

I have to keep telling myself it will be okay you will get thru this, man 5 years I was cancer free. I just have to continue to pray and believe I will be fine

Going beyond ...It is the end of week four ...

I have not felt like talking about this stuff I don't like the fact that my kidney is doing great amazes me. No side effects beside pain and being tired. I eat a lot but that is from having to take steroids I am gonna look like the hulk I better start working out.  I get scared thoughts try to get me down like wow is this really happening my mom lived to be almost 60 my grandmother lived into her 80s and my grandfather lived to be 75 yrs of age. I don't understand why I have been given this I don't even know what to call it this cross to bear. I want to live to see my grandchildren get married at least the first ones all 14, my two sons have yet to marry and have children. Will I be here for those moments. I believe I will if only by shear love. One more week to go I am looking forward to visiting my tia and her family 50 yrs married how beautiful. I am going to feel good I know it

Going Beyond.... Radiation weekend three Thoughts and wonders

there are times in your life when it is world wind, nothing in it's place chaos of life, scatter in every corner of your mind. You begin to question and wonder what if. Then you snap out of it and Thank God for another day of feeling great. I thank God for the word he spoke to my heart. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!!! I have some changes to make. I need to stop taking two steps forward and four steps back. I have proceed to focus on a future with my family one of happiness, of Faith most of all Love. Love in a family means being there for one another. I have some deep changes to make. I am easy to stop, freeze, get stuck in my tracks should something disrupt me for my way of thinking. I now realize I have no control over the outcome of my life. what I do have is faith, I will have a life. That when met my maker 100 yrs from now I can say I strive for a life that solely relied upon the Lord. God has loved me beyond measure I have survived many bad things, Live to remember many good things,I will continue to strive to be what God wants me to be. I am not perfect just forgiven. I make mistakes many everyday, but I dust off my knees and start again, I find comfort in prayer and mediation. I find comfort in loving God. I don't consider myself religious nor a bible thump er. Because I am not I am only saved by Grace by faith by his love. Gods love is deep he gave his only son. His only child! It sounds crazy but if this were not true I don't know how I can explain the things I have seen, the miracle that have happen in my life, in my families life over and over and over again. There is a God! He is real! He lives and because he lives we can face tomorrow. Because he lives all fear is Gone! amen love that song! remember singing it as A church I am not going to write about denomination I want to keep my mind on Jesus! Jesus the sweetest name I know. I don't know about you but when I say Jesus I receive a sweep of joy! Jesus Jesus say it like you mean it huh, I could start saying Jesus my King Jesus my Redeemer, Jesus my Life, Jesus my Hope, Jesus the sweetest name I know. You say what does that have to do with Cancer with Radiation, everything If I didn't have my faith to hold on to, If I don't have Jesus to hold on to then I would be lost. I love the Lord not because I am in poor health but because he loves me, he favors me. How can you say this you have had Cancer three times. Twice on your kidneys you only have one kidney. How can you say he favors you? I can because I am not in pain this minute, and it is tolerable I am still alive with a working half of kidney and who knows maybe the adrenal gland is working also. I am with my family and loved ones or thinking of them. Praying for them. Pleading the blood of Jesus over my family for God to perform Healing and protections. Have Cancer once is scary but three times you kinda of get numbed out. I am not scared i realize it is serious. Bright side they caught it early. I don't want to cause my family any more pain. I will beat this I is not an option to quit. Should God see fit to heal me Gloriously and Most graciously i am not afraid i know where i am going and who i will be running too with no pain Jesus. It would be silly for me to write how much i love the Lord then when it comes down to the nitty gritty (like my daddy says) you say i am scared. I want to live a long life with my husband. Growing old and grey together with his and hers rocking chairs. With a twinkle of hope in our eyes, and our Hearts filled with love. I want to live to see my grandchildren grow and graduate high school. My oldest granddaughter is going to be 15. I want to see her go to college, get married, work, be successful. My second granddaughter will be 14 I have so much to live for. My youngest sons have not even found that one girl yet. I am holding on and i still have a peace in my heart. They kind that only God can give. Hope, Love, Laugh and Live. those four words cover many things hope can mean faith, Mercy many words or feelings, Love can mean many different kinds of love, Laughing can be done at anytime. Living you do it everyday. I thank God for so many things that have happen to me that have made me into the women i am today. Good or Bad it had an impression on my life and shaped me God turned everything around for the Greater Good of God. I am his vessel I have prayed this many times. I must stand on faith believe i am healed either way i am. If you have any thoughts or comment please feel free to comment and join my following. Follow me Thu my Ccare Journey!

my wonderful family I love them to the moon and beyond.... still missing more than half of them....lol

going beyond ..... Day 13

Day 13 of radiation went without a hitch. Well I am at Ccare but as soon as I get home, I get tired and feel horrible. One positive thing is my pain is under control. Finally after almost 5 years of living with pain it feels different, I live with pain on a high scale my whole life. When I have less pain it is weird because of the fact I am use to pain. I thank God for this Victory it is hard to know how to live without pain when I have lived in it so long. Back to radiation I am almost done then I started Chemo. Kidney cancer is tricky it can only hit two organs before it is over and they look for other ways to save your life. I am believe my kidney will with stand treatments In Jesus name.

Yesterday I slept until today I feel good now but wish I could do more like go to things with my grandkids, I am resting all day today because I pray to go to church tomorrow. They all will be there. They all was make me feel better. Life is nothing if you don't have grandkids. I love them and I have yet to see one of them. It breaks my heart everyday but I know I will be stronger soon. I have been healthy as far as colds, fever and such. My appetite is good I eat good. Lots of medications to give you appetite they truly help. I have not loss any weight.

My husband is the one taking this hard I wish I could give him my faith, hope and belief. I know all is going to be okay. Worrying about it does not make it better you must just go with it. That is where your strength is you just go with it. God is in control we can't change anything, Hope will change it, Belief in your faith with change the outcome. Yes there are those who have lost loved ones to this disease my little brother passed away four years before I was dx. he left us. But he is completely healed he has no more pain, he is eating and thriving with Love. That is one thing my brother was it was Love in the Flesh. He was not perfect but he loved and cared for people in away that only certain people do. I miss him everyday but I know he is in a better place. What is funny is a week before he left this world he kept trying to get me to go to the doctor he said the pain I was in was not normal. He was right, I did go to the Doctors but they never found anything until 2009, My brother was looking out for me up until his last days. I am taking the weekend off and resting need to get my church on tomorrow and get ready for another week of radiation everyday for ten minutes....

Going Beyond ...Radiation day 12 Whoop WHoop Half way point!

We have reached the half way point with the Radiation treatment. I told myself I would be honest I feel great, just a lot of pain...lol. It is to be expected. Dr. Monson my radiologist seen me right away and said if the pain continued I would need a CAT scan. I can not believe how good they treat you there. Is it that you have a TERMINAL ILLNESS. There I said it. I don't know, does it really matter as long as you feel good about yourself and stay positive. Ccare has a high rate of wins. The progress in kidney Cancer is amazing, I have one kidney and beside a little tired and pain I feel great better than I have in decades. I can say that since I am 50 plus years ssh don't tell no one my kids think I am 25 years old still...lol. God has carried me Thu this nightmare that is all I can relate it to. The thought of having to hurt my family breaks my heart. You see it don't matter about me I will be fine God has always been my best friend. He always hears me when I am happy, sad, scared, joyful, hopeful, blessed and more. Being raised as only child made it easy to talk to God about everything. My babysitter Wanda Cash took care of me and taught me what the Love of God was. I called her Wanga, I love her dearly, she was my sunday school teacher I stayed in her Preschool class for three years. I was attached to her...lol. I accepted Jesus in my heart at 5 years of age and I was filled with the Holy Ghost. I didn't understand it then but I accept it now. Life has been a blessing for me. I was adopted my two of the most lovable people ever. Yes my mom and I went thru the Teenage years. I am glad my mother never gave up on me. I should of been a better daughter. She was ill and lived with obesity, diabetes, and congestive heart failure. Her kidneys failed and she lived on dialysis the last 5 years of her life. She left us at 59 years old she would of be 60 in 2001. I realize how strong she was to deal with kidney illness takes alot out of you, she was brave and never gave up. I am so proud of her. I miss her everyday. I thank God I had her in my life it is because of how she showed me to live I can.

Going Beyond once again ..... Radiation Day Eleven....

At CCARE it is the best place ever. They staff remember your name treat you with respect. Not like a burden I think every Medical assistant should go thru Ccare and see what Patient care truly is. Not to be mean but some Medical assistants think they are Doctors and begin Dx. the patients. I have had many act like that or your addicted to prescription drugs that's why you have pain then why did I have pain to begin with? what came first the chicken or the egg? At Ccare I feel like a person not a dying person. They help you in everyway possible they are there for the families to answer any questions. They help you feel at easy.

Adrenal Gland Cancer Information and Assocations
This is where this cancer in my body first started, this cancer is slow I think I had it for about 20 yrs atleast before it was found in my right kidney it was larger than 7mm which is stage 2 cancer, it took 5 yrs to progress to a 1.5 mm mass stage 1 early. Slow is on my side. We need to be informed on what causes these Cancers. I remember being about 12 yrs. and a  doctor stating I needing to be watched for Kidney Cancer due to Chronic Anemia. My mother did everything right. She feed my high in iron foods, I love liver!  she cooked in iron skillets she gave me tonics and made me home remedies, I remember on being a Vanilla shake with a raw eye every morning it was really good. I ate green veggies, I love them all. I love all veggies and fruits, plus liver my mom did her best. She also have End Stage Renal Disease she passed at 59 she would of begin 60 in 2001.

many states have their own programs and cities just google Cancer Assoc. or Cancer assistance Finacial Cancer care Org. many people help or can direct you where you can go especially if you have insurance problems, not all qualify but the programs are those who are in dire need. Thank God. One thing I have learned Thu all this is someone always has it worse. I thank God for the things I can see that I never noticed. I will take time and smell the flowers I will not take life for granted. Life is a gift when you are young Nothing can hurt me. I never ate right I wanted to stay in shape. I took over the counter diet pills, I should of been eating. So many things if only I informed myself but at  you don't think anything can hurt you.

Day 11 -Eventful you can become a burden quicker than you expect and from the people you least expect to make you feel this way. Having Cancer is not the worst you will go Thu. Family will think you are lying. Husbands will get tired of always helping you, children will get tired of you thinking there she goes again always sick. Cancer especially slow ones can have existed for years before you even been dx. or show signs. I have always had a high sedation rate in my blood which means inflammation, which means anything, I have showed inconclusive lupus tests for years never once did Cancer show up on any tumors or bloods test or urine tests. All these thoughts go Thu my head  I have a kidney not even a full one. I must take steroids and hormones for the rest of my life a small price to pay for a little more time. I must be realistic I am blessed to have had this much time on this beautiful earth. Have 5 wonderful children that if I where examined they would see that I should have never had children due to endometriosis but God saw favor. Never was I to experience natural child birth but God saw favor he allowed  me so much life I was never to experience. On January 17 2014 when I found out I had a mass again I knew what it was, I prayed and I have never heard God s voice before I am not saying the clouds split open and the voice of God thundered from them. I felt Peace and comfort letting me know I would be healed and it was over. I know it sounds nuts don't you think I have that thought every now and then...lol. I put my game face on each day smile to the world and pray that I am fine. All I need is the faith of a mustard seed. I only need to get thu one more week and tthree days. Enough ranting and raving God bless should you have any thing to share please do

Going Beyond...lets talk about Radiation up to day TEN

 Woke up to this bouquet of Flowers, the smallest thing he does he knows how to make me smile, Hubby bought my some yarn one for a Dallas Cowboy Scarf. He knows how to make me smile I love color, I am in bed again not much energy but i have to say I look great considering I am being treated for a tumor on my adrenal gland Cancer. I am receiving radiation for four maybe five weeks. I will begin Chemo in a Pill form I am not sure it that is good or bad but I will take it one day at a time.

 I am getting up and seeing the flowers and it got me in the mood to start working on some creations. I am knitting my scarf Dallas Cowboys, Crocheting His scarf Raiders ( I have a few to make of those) I made the little newborn Hat and bow Tie slippers sets I make and sell to help pay for all this treatment. I am only in my early 50's I thought I would have time to start a 401k after the last child turned 18yrs old. It did not work out that way. I love crafting I need to get the energy to get out and sell my items. I am not depressed God gave me a great love of life recently, could because I am living with one kidney and no adrenal glands which means no adrenal, Have you heard that saying my getting up and go has got up and left? LOL that is so me!
I love my husband he is disabled with high blood pressure, swollen feet and ankles yet he takes me to radiation each day. I am praying for a financial Miracle we were not truly expecting this. I thank God because my children are all grown and able to support and care for themselves. So having to pay $45 a day plus the medications not covered under Medicare part D well. We pray and believe that if I need them that badly the money will be there. God is good he supplies our needs. I don't know how we make it for food everyday but we eat and eat healthy as I said God is Good. If he supplies the Birds in the sky how much more for us, I would love to receive comments share a story of GOOD news Bad news your health problems, you care for your parents. Tomorrow I will post some inportant Cancer fighting foods, Foods you should eat more of, spices, and more, I will post some Indian cures and more. Pray I am feeling better tomorrow. I hope you are all well and blessed I posted some of my work on this blog I been in bed. So it is what i do....

 This is me and my dog Tippy he love me no matter what he forgives and cares for me! My husband brought me this Pom Love Mr. Tippy see his page at http://www.facebook.com/tipstermorales