I cant say what day I am on anymore but I know this is the last week. I am having a lot of pain where my adrenal gland is or was. It hurts. They said it is normal. Well it is better than having surgery and recovering for the incision. In 2009 when my right kidney was removed due to cancer, I have 31 staples and that was painful. I was almost cut in half. It was a hard recovering and there were times I thought that the Cancer was still in my body. In 1985 I had stage II cancer and I could not get treated I had to wait for an approval, Praise God the Cancer I have is slow or I would be dead by now. In 1987 they finally removed the cancer. I believe it never left my body, the doctors said I have a slow moving Cancer in my body. Turtle Cancer...LOL. I am angered that the insurance I had at the time made me wait 2 yrs, I might still be working and have to kidneys living life to the fullest. But instead I am trying to keep my spirits up, staying in bed more that getting out and doing fun things that most 50 yrs old do. It did not help that my parents were farm workers and we were exposed to chemicals we should not have been. Being a child in the field with the chemicals do you think we would not be affected. We ate the fruit with out washing sometimes, we were children. I know that everyone did not know what they know now about the long term effects of farmworkers children. We are the results of society that did not care, we were deemed expendable, we were told to go back where we came from, we were called wetbacks, brown nigger, beaner, and more ugly words. Yes things have changed or have they? I am an American I was born here and never been to Mexico, My people are Native American and Mexican. My Grandma was native American, my grandfather was from Mexico the coastal region. My grandfather walked here to America sometime before there was a border. He helped build the railroad. My grandmother received a pension until she passed. My grandfather help form this Country with the sweat off his back. My father worked the fields and held a fulltime job. He was a hard working man. He taught me to work hard and be responsible for your family. It is hard to lie her at home day after day yet I want to work but I know that I cant not work a full day. My body will not handle it I tried to go back to work after a week I had pneumonia, someone went in to work sick with a cold I caught the cold and pneumonia hit me hard. I have been praying and asking God to give me the health to return to work maybe after this coarse of treatment. I am not giving up I refuse to lie down and let Cancer win. I wish things were different but not all the wishing in the world is going to change the facts of my health today. God is good, he has made this time a good time by comforting me with this extreme Joy that I cant explain. I cant get angry if I tried....lol. I started out good able to keep track of the day I was on and I wrote each day but I will not lie. this last week is kicking my butt. I know God is carrying me thru and I am grateful for the ride. I will gladly stay in his arms until this is all over. I will try to keep writing and let you know how things are going but I cant say that it will be daily some day I am to tired to think. Wow I see people at the Ccare that are being treated for Brain Cancer, Lung Cancer and worse. I pray that God heals them! Every day I see the miracle that Ccare is apart of they have a high success rate. The radiologist and his assistants there are awesome, so caring and ready to help care for your needs. I will say that my pain has double and tripled since I began radiation. I don't know how to deal with it I don't like being all drugged up, I am now taking the THC pills and they help with want to throw up all the time, and my appetite is good and no you are not stoned but it helps with the pain also. I don't take medication to make me not feel pain is good at a level you can handle. Keep Cancer patients in prayer, I try to, there are so many and the cancer centers everywhere seems to be filling up a lot more often. they say 1 one in every 5 will see cancer at one stage or another in there life. I pray against those odds. In the name above all Jesus! Good night God bless and keep everyone health safe and full of Joy. Amen
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